Raise your hand if you’re on the struggle bus .
If you raised your hand, then you can be sure of two things- one, that last night kicked a** and two, you’re not even quite sure how you’re alive right now. Hangovers, like alcohol, come in a variety of types and some can leave you worse off than others. We’ve summed up a few types of hangovers that everyone has unfortunately experienced at one point or another. If any of these sound like you today, than we wish you the best of luck combating and surviving the next 24 hours.
The “Under 25” Hangover
User profile: Your last drink was at 3am and you get woken up by some miracle (probably your drunk roommate) at 9am questioning what happened and how you got home. Your first move is reaching for a cold one because you know that the best detox is retox.
You need: More booze
Your next drink: Immediately if not sooner
The “Over 25” Hangover
User profile: You had one glass of wine at 5pm which gave you a buzz-or so you thought. You wake up 12 hours later, begging for forgiveness and searching for the nearest IV of water. You are definitely dead.
You need: To be young again
Your next drink: Never. You are never drinking again…until your friends go out next.
The “9-5” Hangover
User profile: You went out with coworkers for Happy Hour cocktails and came home at 2am. Somewhere in between you managed to suck down 3 shots of tequila with people you just met and drink the town dry.
You need: A nap
Your next drink: Probably sneaking one or two in at lunch
The High Energy Hangover
User profile: It’s 7am and everyone is PTFO. But oh no, not Brittany. She’s non stop and doing anything she can in an attempt to wake everyone else up from the dead. All you can ask yourself is “what is she on?” If this is you-stop it.
You need: To lock her outside
Your next drink: Whatever it will take to silence her
The “I’m Still Drunk” Hangover
User profile: You wake up and think to yourself, “it’s a miracle, I drank the world dry last night and am not hung over!” Right up until the moment you try to complete some activity that requires extremely simple motor skills and, whelp, you f**k it up. That’s right, you’re not, not hung over. You’re still wasted from going to sleep 5 hours before with a BAC toxic enough to take down a whole army.
You need: Either 8 cups of coffee or 8 more hours of sleep.
Your next drink: See above
The “Full Of Regret” Hangover
User profile: You spend 10 minutes frantically searching for your phone in bed and convincing yourself that you didn’t leave it in last nights Uber. Like magic, if flies out and you anxiously scroll through your conversations only to find out the inevitable-you drunkenly texted your ex last night. What’s worse? The conversation went on for hours and consisted mostly of you admitting your love for them. You don’t know whether you should cry, crawl into a hole or buy a one way ticket to Phucket.
You need: To have your phone taken away when you’re drunk
Your next drink: Holy water
The Mr. Clean Hangover
User Profile: A rare gem. If your friend group has one of these, keep them around. Despite a long night of drinking, this person somehow ends up Cindarella-ing the entire apartment and leaving the rest of the group very confused since they’re all still trying to figure out where their pants are. Some how the late night pizza is wrapped and put away and the dishwasher has been run AND emptied.
You need: to do less-you’re making everyone else look bad
Your next drink: Lysol.
And there we have it, just a few of the hangovers that we all wish never existed. If you relate to any of these today, then we send you our condolences. What are some other types of hangovers that you’ve suffered through?
Just remember: Alcohol, by scientific definition, is a solution.
-The Howl Team