The 10 Stages of a Hangover

There’s no way to sugar coat it, hangovers straight up suck.

Picture this: It’s Monday morning (?) and you are just waking up from your weekend bender. Yeah, it’s 2pm, whatever, JUDGE ME. You’ve got about 20 seconds of freaking the f***k out before you can start to focus on your hangover. Your mind is working in overdrive in its dysfunctional state trying to recall all of the stupid sh*t you could have done after you blacked out by eleven and you frantically search for your phone to make sure you didn’t drunk text your EX… again (seriously, just block their number). Your body aches, your head’s pounding and even though you just woke up, you can’t wait to just nap; an art that we call “re-cribbing.”

All of the sudden it begins: The Ten (inevitable) Stages of a Hangover:

1. Where am I? Is this my bed?

*Checks phone for UBER receipt*

2. *Rolls over* ok, phew, I came home alone

3. Holy sh*t my head hurts. Holy sh*t EVERYTHING hurts

4. I think I’m dying. It’s over.

5. STOP EVERYTHING. I need water.

6. Should I call my mom? She’ll know what to do

7. No, I should eat. I’m going to eat.

8. Why am I so emotional?

9. I should just go back to bed and start the day over

10. Who am I kidding, someone get me a drink STAT.

And there you have it- the circle of life. And, while we have you, here’s some free advice to take or leave: it’s nearly impossible to get hungover if you just keep drinking. Rage on, our friends.

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